Had to respond to this one! Thanks for a great prompt, @nuttynutcycle:
Villain sputtered.
“Look, you need a win and I need 72 hours,” Hero pleaded. “I’m offering you a three day, hero-free crime spree!”
“You think I can just whip up a crime spree on a moment’s notice?” the villain protested.
Hero slapped them on the back. “I have total confidence in you.” They reached past to drop their backpack into the trunk of the villain’s car.
“I think you’ve gotten a bit too comfortable with your confidence in me,” Villain muttered under their breath.
Hero paid them no mind. “Pick me up at City Hall at ten!” they called, strolling off with a jaunty wave.
It was a first rate kidnapping; laser blasts, smoke grenades, dire threats, and a grab-and-run played perfectly to the cameras.
By the time Villain had finished putting everything away and came in with the Hero’s backpack, Hero had worked their way out of the cuffs and was sprawled across the neat little bed in Villain’s cell, looking very pleased with themself.
“So,” Villain said with dry irony. “I take it you’re satisfied with your requested kidnapping?”
“You’ve outdone yourself!” Hero exclaimed jumping up to grab the bag away. “Has it hit the news yet? I gotta see this.”
“I feel,” Villain said, arms crossed, “like you are not respecting my evilness.”
“Hey, my phone’s not here,” said Hero, brow creasing as they dug deeper into their bag. “Can you check if it fell out in your car?”
“Your phone?” Villain raised their eyebrows. “You said you were writing a research paper. What do you need a phone for?”
Hero’s eyes snapped up. For the first time, they looked… wary.
“Incidentally the wifi password is still the same,” Villain added cheerfully.
“[Villain]…?” Hero said in an uncertain tone.
“But I’ve installed a dampener. Don’t worry though, I’ve downloaded all your professor’s recommended materials to your laptop. Had to remove some files to make space. Looked like games? Maybe some music?”
Hero gaped. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Villain gave them a shit eating grin back. “You wanted help writing your paper. I’m giving you exactly what you wanted. A nice, quiet, distraction-free environment for three days.”
“You utter-” Hero caught themself, folded their arms and glared. “Ha. Funny.. Very funny. Excuse me while I escape-”
Villain slammed the door behind them with a bang that made Hero jump. “You step one foot out of this cell before the 72 hours is up, and I send the video-” Villain jabbed a finger up at the subtle camera in the ceiling- “of you admitting you asked for this to every tabloid and muckraker in this city. And I’m sending it to your professor first,” they added with wicked glee. “You should see the texts they’re sending your mother. They’re so scared for you.”
Hero pulled up short, frozen in the middle of the cell. Villain grinned and stuck their hands in their pockets. “Now if you’ll excuse me,” they said with a smirk, “I have a crime spree to execute. And I believe you have a paper to write.”
“You’re evil!” Hero cried.
“I’ll be back tomorrow to check your citations,” Villain sing songed and sauntered out. God, did it feel good to be the instrument of someone else’s dramatic irony.